im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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