i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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