Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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