I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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