my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
