youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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