You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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