Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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