Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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