then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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