Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
