I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
