Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
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OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize