i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
