9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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