Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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