I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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