we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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