I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
