The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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