I wish you could order shots online.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
