well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
