She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
