I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
