i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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