If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
