My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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