These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
