Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The chlamydia really affected his face.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
