if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
