I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Randomize
