Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's never too late to be topless.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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