You made me cry and you don't even care
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize