Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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