gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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