my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
