Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I have fence marks all over my body
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
