Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
