I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
