The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
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Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure