My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list