It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...