I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
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I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.