Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.