And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
