I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
