I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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