just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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