before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
