Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
