hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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