YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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