I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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