When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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