So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
