everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
