glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
