Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
