I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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