Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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