her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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