he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
