So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
