I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
