I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
