Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
