Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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