I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
