...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
