my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I did not marry a roomba.
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